The Diary of Karkat Vantas
by MrsHomestuck
Summary: Two trolls find a diary that appears to be very old. They can't help but to be curious and explore the wonders of what is inside. Little did they know that the name Karkat Vantas, scribbled down in grey ink, would completely change their views on romance itself.


**A/N This fic is supposed to be slightly complicated. It's in an instance where after sburb and the completion of the game, life in the multiverse returns to normal. All that is left is a book labeled 'diary' that, sweeps later, is found by a pair of trolls.**

**The identity of the two remains unknown for a while and maybe throughout the story as a whole, but the deal is, Karkat started writing in what Rose described as a diary. To humor himself, he began writing. This was around the time that Karkat still had hope in dating Terezi. It is written in first person because of how Karkat would read so many books and didn't know how to begin.**

**This is my second fic (that will be posted), so I hope that it will do well on here.**

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The two young trolls couldn't help but to feel curious about the large book that they found. They knew that reading someone's secrets was wrong, but the thing appeared to be at least 10 sweeps old! They excitedly open the cover to find an unfamiliar name that appears to be quickly written in grey ink. They begin reading...

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My name is Karkat Vantas and I have a flush crush on a girl who is way out of my league. At first, before this shitdump game, her relationship with me was going well. She was an annoying girl who always got on my nerves, but I have always found interest in her. I claim to hate her, when I actually love her, but when I claim to love her, I actually hate her. It's really complicated and I guess that I kind of want her in ALL of my quadrants. But that's not possible. I've kissed her once before, but I don't enjoy talking about it. It's probably my favorite memory, but I'm just not comfortable discussing it. Because of that kiss, she was the first one to find out my blood color. I was terrible at hiding it in the first place, but I was kind of happy that she was the first one to find out.

I would get jealous sometimes. For example, she started showing interest in a guy that I never liked in the first place. That made me really fucking mad because I thought it was fucking obvious that I wanted to be her Matesprite. But- after realizing what a huge retard I am- I realized that I was sending her too weird of signals. She was confused and got mad with me. Then she ran off to smooch idiot-Strider without accepting my apology. I actually cried over that stupid maniac and I just hate her… No, I love her. Yeah, its official, I love her. I hate to admit it but I do. I would've never guess sweeps before now that Terezi Pyrope would be breaking my heart.

Speaking of the fucking devil girl, she is approaching me at the moment while I am lost in my self-loathing. "Karkles! Can you put the self-loathing on pause and listen to me for a second?" Terezi's voice squeaks and cracks in a way that sounds like she is on drugs or something. It makes me cringe with anger and lift my shoulders with relief. I prepare to speak to her in the normal ways as if I wasn't thinking about her by frowning in the uncomfortable angry way that I usually do.

"What the fuck do you want Terezi?" I stand up and turn towards her. Her eyebrows move to a place that makes her seem worried.

"Karkat. You don't smell normal. Is something the matter?"

I clear my throat as I prepare to vent at her with all of my might. "Is something the matter? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? We are on a damned rock that is flying near the speed of light. Half of my friends are dead. My best friend is hardly even alive anymore and left me to have a fucking threesome with his girlfriends. I've never had a healthy relationship between anyone but Gamzee. Speaking of Gamzee, no one has seen him for a long time and I am starting to get extremely worried as his damned moirail. And if that isn't enough, I am a mutant, I hate myself, my lusus is dead, I have the worst fucking ancestor ever, and the list continues!" Terezi sighs when I finish and I frown at her.

"Enough of your loathing Karkat!" Terezi takes a loud inhale and begins grinning again. "As I was saying, I need to talk to you."

I lighten my expression just enough to signal that I am listening. She continues. "Well, actually, I would be more comfortable if we could have this conversation somewhere that is not out in the open."

I roll my eyes and begin to follow her. For an idiot blind girl, she sure knows her way around this annoying place better than I do. I don't even look around to see where exactly she is taking me; I just stare at her feet in front of mine and try to match her pace. Being a clumsy fucking retard, I end up almost tripping a couple of times if I try to break the cycle and look at something else. After a long time of walking, Terezi stops and I catch myself before I bump into her. "We're here."

I look up to see what looks like a cave. "What the fuck is this?" I frown and hiss at her. She turns towards me to get a sniff and I furrow my brow even more but remain silent.

"You don't have to be so nervous, Karkles. We are still in walking distance so if something happens then we will be found." Terezi gives the air a great big sniff and turns back to the cave. She begins walking inside and I quickly start trailing behind. The cave is only light enough for me to be able to see the outlines of things around me. I listen in silence as Terezi breathes in deeply as if trying to get a feel for the area around her. I suddenly bump into her on accident due to her sudden stop.

"God dammit." I exclaim. Terezi giggles and sits across from me, or that's what my mind is telling me according to her shuffling feet. I take a deep breath and close my eyes as I try to not begin screaming with confusion. Terezi cackles a bit and I feel a wet substance against my neck. "Augh!" I cry loudly and Terezi cackles yet again. Now her laughs are coming straight into my right ear and her arms are tight around me. "What the fuck Pyrope? I thought you stopped that freaky shit after Strider got with you. What's the deal?"

Terezi doesn't reply. She is very quiet but her arms are still warm against me and her breath is still loud enough to hear. Terezi sighs a bit and takes her arms from me. I flop on my back so that she doesn't get her greedy arms around me again and sigh quietly. "Now why am I here?" I hear Terezi moving to my right after I ask and I wait silently for a reply.

"Well," she finally begins speaking, "I wanted to ask you something a bit personal."

"Yes?"

Terezi hesitates and soon enough replies. "I was wondering if you've been thinking about the time that we…" She cuts herself off and my eyes widen.

Before I force her to spit it out, I quickly cut in. "When we… Kissed?"

Terezi takes a deep breath. "Yeah…"

"Well, I mean, obviously I'm really fucking busy thinking about how to make myself more miserable-" I stop as I hear Terezi sigh in a sad tone and then continue awkwardly. "But yes, sometimes I do…" She lets out a low giggle and I feel my face get hot. "Why? What's wrong?"

Terezi shifts and bit awkwardly and sighs again. "Well, the cool kid has been-" I stop her with a groan.

"Oh god what did the douche-muffin do this time? Did he break up with you? I will kill him so help me."

"No he didn't break up with me. I was just wondering because he seems to hate the idea of kissing me so I'm just all like 'Well I thought that you said you could deal with more than Karkat could' and Dave just started acting all offended and shit. I don't get him, it's like he is the hormonal girlfriend and I'm the one who has to deal with it all- when actually it should be the other way around!"

I look at the bit of her that I can see and begin to laugh a bit. "Ha. Haha. Really? Strider can't bring up the nerve to fucking kiss someone like you? So, like, you told him that he should man-up by bringing my name in it and he did the opposite and went ballistic?"

"Pretty much. I found it quite amusing at first as well but then I realized that I would have to live with him being mad all the time when I bring up my old relationships. He really needs to man up." Terezi chuckles and I can't help but to feel bad for her. I can also feel my anger and hate towards Dave ever-increasing considering that he fucking refuses to kiss the most amazing troll to ever exist.

I sit up and put my arm around Terezi in friendly advances. She lets out a small sigh of relief and nuzzles against my chest for comfort. It's not like she's my moirail or anything- but this is rather nice for just a friend thing. I never really considered myself to be a very good friend but now I feel like I can actually do alright. Maybe it's the fact that I can't see her.

"Karkat." Terezi says quietly and breaks the embrace.

"Yeah?" I reply in a confused tone.

"Thanks."

"Thanks for what?"

"Thanks for being willing to talk to me like this. I really appreciate it and I think I needed it."

"Yeah, sure, it's always good to vent. You never really complain about shit so I guess my natural instincts of a never-ending venter told me that I should let someone else fucking talk for once." Terezi begins to laugh and I let a smile slip.

"Well what the fuck do we got going on in here?" I hear a much too familiar voice echo from the entrance of the incredibly small cave that Terezi led me into. Terezi turns her head to the figure even though she cannot see anything and frowns a bit. I follow her 'gaze' and my eyes meet to see the last person I wanted to see. "Keep you fucking hands off of my girl Vantas."

"Shut the fuck up. I was being there as a friend and someone who listens- unlike you. Retarded fucker."

"Woah, dude. Keep that sick language away from her. I don't want TZ all up and busting out those offensive slurs like you do."

I stand up and wave to Terezi before I begin to leave. On my way out I decide to give Dave a bit of a nudge that could actually be considered a shove. He stumbles a bit and yells back at me while I leave. "Dude I told you not to fucking touch me!"

"Oh boo, you whiney shitdump." I trail off as coolly as I could without making a complete fool of myself and begin to feel regret because I left Terezi behind. If I would've made her come with me though, Dave would've been beyond angry and probably would've gotten hostile not just around me, but around his own girlfriend. The guy doesn't know how to control his fucking emotions. Well, he does better than I do, but when it comes to romance the guy is a total fuck up.

I trail back to where I was before, or at least as best I could, and find myself there after a longer time than I hoped. I find Kanaya there sitting peacefully as if she was waiting for me. "Hello Karkat."

"Hey Kanaya. What's up?" I ask casually. I actually feel better at the sight of Kanaya. She has always been the easiest to tolerate and I have always respected how she approaches thing by thinking about them logically. She never just hops in without giving anything a bit of thinking. Even if the process she uses sometimes leads to bad outcomes, at least she actually thinks about shit unlike all of these other screw ups around me.

"Oh nothing. I was just checking in to see how you were doing and found out how you were not present. I decided to wait for you considering that Rose was busy dealing with Dave at the time. He probably left long ago but I decided, since I was here, that a bit more waiting couldn't hurt." Kanaya smiles gently and I am more than happy to sit next to her. It's nice knowing that someone actually thinks about me while still maintaining a healthy relationship. Sure, I don't have a relationship for myself, but knowing that Kanaya does and having her still stop by makes me feel a lot better.

"Uh, thanks I guess. Are you sure you don't have to get back to Rose?" I look at Kanaya with a worried expression and she waves like it's no big deal.

"Oh no, Rose told me that it was a good idea because, despite your differences, Rose was a bit worried as well. It's only natural to worry about our own leader, correct?" Kanaya laughs softly and I sigh.

"Yeah, whatever." I groan over the title of leader and start to think about the troll I recently met that is a lot smarter than she looks. Also, she said I could join her, and she is actually very charming… Ugh, what am I thinking?! I need to focus on what's happening NOW! Not what I might actually secretly be hoping.

I feel overcome with exhaustion and Kanaya definitely notices. "What's wrong Karkat? Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm just a little confused." I admit with a groan. Kanaya rolls her eyes and gives me a little smile that shows off her insanely sharp fangs.

"Terezi again?"

"Yep."


End file.
